Tuesday, September 28, 2010

My hero is the collective human race

One person can have a profound effect on us but I don't feel that I have a "hero" I find that my hero is the collective human race I don't just look to find inspiration from a single person I look at the stories of all the people around me and the way they get through a day the way they fight to get what they want the way so many of us face our limitations and flows and still plow forward we are so inspiring we have come so far and done so much that it's amazing to me.

So keep fighting on keep inspiring me to do the same keep moving forward cause if you all fail so do I if you all lose faith and become miserable where will I look to for my inspiration?

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Yeah remember how I said i would falter in my new eyes post? Yeah well it happened today idk I just got a random surge of depression like nothing would get me out of it, but I'm out of it haha. Like I haven't really done much since that post but idk tomorrow i'm going to Spellman to send in my transcript request and I'm really thinking of t transferring to a SUNY upstate now man I feel like the dormed life is what I really need.

Last night I asked myself if could do whatever I pleased and no one could say no and had to follow my course of action then what would I do. My answer was either get and apartment with a roomie (preferably a hot/cute girl type haha) and go to school downtown get a job pay my own rent and have my own furniture and stuff or go away to like a third world country and live with people helping with whatever I can. Total opposites it seems. But I would be ecstatic with either opportunity. I need to get out of this rut I feel I'm in but I still have that feeling from last week!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

New Eyes

Yeah so everyone knows about the beer goggles and shit but idk last night had the opposite effect of me I wasn't looking at anyone else differently, I was looking at myself like for the first time I think in my life I found the confidence to move on in my life and understood that I can do whatever I put my mind to don't matter what mistakes go down don't matter what other people think of me I feel in my heart that I will succeed in everything I do and will falter but get through to the end I have to thank Donna for it man like talking to her I just felt so transcendental idk haha it may be an exaggeration but that's how I feel like that girl has like my heart man whenever she wants it she can have it cause I feel like she has given me the confidence to do me. This is a different vision of my life it's a different step idk it's like I will succeed I don't care what other people have to say about it. And I knew this in my mind already but I didn't feel it till last night and that's why I just feel so loving and crazy about her idk it's all good and it's not like I'm in love with her romantically or anything it's just I love her for opening me up. It's like when in anime the main character suddenly opens up new channels of their power and kicks the dudes ass haha that's how I feel. It's so great anyways I'll update soon.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

It was horrible seeing you the other day.

Can someone anyone just get her out of my head. Make me forget that I ever loved her make me happy that I moved on. This is driving me nuts. All the little signs that I shouldn't be noticing but I do. The fact that she keeps coming up after long periods of time like spectre that does not wish to be forgotten. Just get her out! The fact that my mom defends her makes it twenty times worse like somehow this is my fault as if I didn't really want it so I didn't try. It's all so frustrating makes me want to go out and fight till I knockout or drink till I black out and lose all memory of her it's fo fucking stupid JUST GET THE FUCK OUT!